my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
