I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
