he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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