I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I bet he comes in French.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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