Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
