Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
