I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
