Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
