In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
