the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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