believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just pee around me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
