im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dicks are not precious.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
