Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
