u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize