Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
