Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
