i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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