I cannot find my penis.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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