I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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