I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
