I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
