dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
