just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
