I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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