clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
