the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So many bounce houses so little time
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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