thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
