he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
