tell your sister to shave her snatch
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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