idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
