I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
two words: eviction party
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
