Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
