I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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