dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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