hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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