hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
P.S. I can't hear my feet
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
