worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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