Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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