At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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