Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
