I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
