sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
