the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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