I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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