i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
