im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Success! We fucked roommates!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
