HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
