Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize