she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
