So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
