No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's shark week go big or go home
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
