I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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