Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
