he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
