I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
