i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
