Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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