How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
