theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
