Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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