What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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