Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
