did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
