I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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