You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
