So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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