Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
