i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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